The Rules of Dress Pt. II: A Guy's Guide

A few easy tips that will have the ladies dropping at your feet and complimenting you on your choice of clothing without hindering your masculinity.

Living in the Pacific Northwest is much like living a top a large mountain. The vast majority of the population dress as if they just came barreling down Mt. Rainier. Everywhere I look there is a sea of Columbia jackets and hiking boots. The bulk of these hiker-looking people are males. In fact, my guy friends seem to always inspire me most when it comes to informing the public of important fashion knowledge. A friend from Oregon, who shall remain nameless, wears lovely outfits that include hot pink ties and blue shirts, or ski outfits that are each a different shade of green. My girlfriends, although not the snazziest of dressers, can in fact hold their own. I’ve always figured this was because they cared about their appearance while the guys were happy wearing the same clothes they’ve had for the last five or so years. For the most part this probably is a true statement, but imagine my astonishment when one of my guy friends crossed the line to fashionable.

In only a day’s worth of shopping, I turned an ordinary guy off the street into one with style. Three hours in a mall and I turned a hater of shopping into a lover. I also taught him the most important lesson a women could ever give a man: retail therapy. My guy friend had a confidence building that only a great shopping trip could do. I can officially refer to myself in terms once reserved for the likes of Mother Teresa; a miracle worker, a betterment to society. I am cleansing the world of bad dressers one person at a time.

My only problem is this: the pace is a little slow for my slightly impatient personality. I’ve already made one guide of what not to wear, but I think it is time for just the men of this world to receive a little advice. My friend who is now gracing with style learned that the way you dress can attract and detract to your best features, and yes, girls do care how you dress. Clothes say so much more about a person than most like to admit. So here it is, a few easy tips that will have the ladies dropping at your feet and complimenting you on your choice of clothing without hindering your masculinity.

1. INVEST IN A NICE PAIR OF JEANS
This does not include any jeans from Old Navy or any of those carpenter style jeans. Whoever invented those for the masses should realize they are not the least bit attractive and unless you carry hammers around with you on a daily basis, are completely unnecessary. My suggestion is a pair of Seven jeans, they look great on all guys and are less expensive then brands like Diesel. Make sure they have a cool fade, not an obnoxious “someone just poured bleach across my jeans” kind of thing.

2. ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVES
Button up shirts are almost always a great pick for any guy, they are dressy without being pretentious, yet complimentary to all types of people. The key to long sleeved button up shirts is to roll up the sleeves. One of a guy’s most attractive features is his forearms so roll up those sleeves.

3. WEAR A BEANIE WHENEVER POSSIBLE
Okay that doesn’t mean you need to go put one on in the middle of July in ninety degree weather, because frankly that wouldn’t do much to help you. There are really no explanations other than beanies look really good on guys. More than once in my life I have thought a guy was gorgeous when he was wearing a beanie when in reality he was really not that attractive at all.

4. WEAR BAND T-SHIRTS
This is all about showing off your personality. The kind of music a person listens to says plenty about them and depending on what band you proudly wear you’ll attract the attention of people who share the same musical tastes. In addition to this, they look really good on guys if they’re not too baggy or too tight.

5. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR SHOES
Sadly enough, shoes are probably the first or second thing I notice on a person. I know a lot of girls who are like this so if you want to impress someone don’t ignore what’s happening on your feet.

6. BE MESSY
To be completely honest, I hate pretty boys. I know that plenty of women out their love Mr. Abercrombie, but come on. All those guys go tanning five times a week and always seem to be greased up with hair gel and way too many beauty products. The truth is guys look better with their tie undone and sleeves rolled up than they do in a three piece suit. A guy working on a car is more appealing than one who just wafted his “surfer” hair into the perfect coif.

7. NEVER SHOP AT ABERCROMBIE & FITCH
I guess if for some reason you love the store you can keep shopping there, but realize the stereotypes that go along with it aren’t always so favorable (and by the way, you’re being ripped off). The whole buying destructive clothing that’s supposed to look vintage but isn’t, is one of the most absurd things ever created. If you want vintage t-shirts go to a thrift store and avoid the humiliation of wearing something that says “Bob’s Chicken Shack” or some supposedly clever sexual innuendo about Spring Break.

8. IT IS ALL ABOUT MATCHING
Sky blue corduroy pants with bright green shirts do not look good; neither does anything that requires putting black and brown together in the same outfit. As a side rule you should really just avoid sky blue corduroy pants altogether.

9. AVOID PLEATED PANTS AT ALL COSTS
For the most part these types of pants make me want to poke my own eye out. They are hideous. Proceed wearing these at your own risk.

10. LOOK AT THE BEST DRESSED GUYS IN THE WORLD
It is almost a given that if you’re in a band you dress good. There are of course some definite exceptions to this rule, but if you look at bands like Yellowcard, Coldplay or my fashion favorites Brand New they all almost always look good but more importantly are comfortable in what they’re wearing. Band guys get chicks because they’re in bands, but their style of dress doesn’t hurt their appeal either.

Before you write off my ten rules for dress, I suggest you try them. You may be surprised at the results of what a few well-placed changes can do. Don’t worry, I accept all forms of repayment, but I prefer concert tickets and gift certificates to Urban Outfitters. However, just know that seeing the world dressing in better fashion is really enough for me.